Extract from:- “A BARRERLOAD OF TROUBLE”

   Billy Elliott fell off a ladder in the Council yard a while back. Percy Lamkin see’d it all happen y’know. He said he ain’t seen old Billy move so fast in years. 25 foot he fell – but he weren’t half lucky. Well, if the ground ain’t have stopped him there’s no telling how far he would’ve gone. Percy knowed that wus 25 foot. He counted the rungs as old Billy hit ’em on the way down!
   The old Road Foreman comed a’rushing across just as he wus a’falling y’know – but he wus too late, and poor old Billy fell on his broom and hurt his leg!
   “Oh dear, oh dear!” says the old Road Foreman, a’looking at Billy’s leg, “ain’t this terrible – do you reckon he’s broke it?”
   “Course he has!” says Percy, a’looking at the broom, “clean in half!”
   “Oh dear, oh dear!” says the old Road Foreman, “whatever shall we do – whatever shall we do?”
   “Do?” says Percy, “do? Why – fetch him another one – there’s plenty more in the toolshed. But y’know,” he says, “that’s just like old Billy ain’t it – thinking of his-self again.”
   “How d’you mean?” says the old Road Foreman.
   “Well,” says Percy, “if he’d a’fell off the other side of the ladder, he’d a’broke mine!”
   Middle of the morning that happened y’know – right after lunch-time. Percy weren’t half upset about that y’know. He reckoned if old Billy had fell off before lunchtime, they could’ve had his sandwiches!
   But he’s like that is Percy y’know – ain’t got no time for folkses what ain’t well – and he never goes to anybody’s funeral.
   “Why should I?” he says, “they won’t be coming to mine!”
   Freddie Carter had a rare job an’ all one time y’know. The old Road Foreman told him to go and paint old Mother Poulton’s garden gate. She’d got a sign nailed on that – only old Freddie being a bit shortsighted an’ that – well, he never see’d it until that wus too late, and he painted right over the top of it.
   Hor, weren’t old Mother Poulton wild!
   “Now look what you’ve been and gorn and done!” she bellered at poor old Freddie, “why don’t you be more careful,” she says – wiping the paint off the gate with Freddie’s apron. “Now you do it agin – properly this time!”
   “Righto,” says old Freddie, a’looking a bit closer at the sign, “I’d better see what that says then – hmm – ‘Beware of the Dog’,” he says, “ah well – I can see what’s wrong with it now,” he says, “you’ve got it spelt wrong!”
   “Have I?” she says.
   “Yees,” says old Freddie, and he took a’hold of his paint brush, crossed out ‘Dog’ – and put ‘Bitch’ instead!
   Ha – that had her!